You Know You're a Proper Gardener When:
- You feel uncomfortable in some-one else's house if there's
a badly placed houseplant.
- You find it difficult resisting
dead-heading in some-one else's garden.
- You buy weak straggly, reduced price plants because
you feel sorry for them.
- You're pleased when some nettles grow in your garden
because they're great for the compost heap, and they show
that the soil is rich in that area.
- You're constantly trying to give away plants to friends
and neighbours because you propagated far too many.
- You know exactly where the best specimens of your favourite
plants are in your neighbourhood.
- You read the labels on plants at the garden centre and
disagree with what it says.
- Seed catalogues are one the year's most anticipated,
sumptuous and exciting literary events.
- You get upset when some-one refers to soil as "dirt"
or "mud".
- You get upset when people get compost and manure confused.
- You regard neglected gardens with greater envy than
fabulous gardens - just imagine what you could do with them
starting from scratch...?!
- You very rarely return from even the shortest trip to
your garden for any reason with clean hands.
- Your garden looks better than your house.
- Your friends stop asking for gardening advice as you
made them feel bad that they know so little and the answers
you give always seem like too much hard work.
- There is no item of footwear you own that hasn't at
sometime had soil on them.
- You think £50 is a lot of money for a pair of trousers,
but a great price for a particularly wonderful plant.
- Even though your garden is already full, you could easily
fill it again with completely different plants you want
- from memory.
- You could give local directions based on particularly
fine hedges and specimen trees as landmarks without mentioning
roads, post offices or pubs.
- You covert your neighbours shed more than his ass.
- There are always traces of soil, compost or plant material
in your car.
- You don't just have a favourite plant, you've a favourite
tree, flowering tree, autumn foliage shrub, blue flowering
spring perennial, summer bulb, evergreen climber etc. etc.
- You understand why there are so many different types
of fertiliser and despair that the array of pesticides are
the same few chemicals in different guises.
- For you - a watering can and spade are for life.
- You secretly despise the "Gardener's gift sets" you
get for Christmas and birthdays.
- Buying a new spade or secateurs is one of the most significant
purchase events in your life requiring much thought, research
and comparative shopping trips.
- You either have, or you'd love to have, an allotment.
- Much of your gardening time is spent propagating.
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